Why are people in the PiRo area crazy?

I wonder this every day. Yes, every day as I drive or walk around my neighborhood. “Why are people in the PiRo crazy?” I don’t mean the clinically insane or economically disadvantage (read homeless) members of our community. I’m referring to the actual working residents of our area: the Persian Jew across the street who spends every moment he is home yelling at his family, the girl who screams and runs across the street at the approach of the tiniest dog (even the most well-behaved ones on short leashes), and especially the rude customers at the infamous Elat market that push and shove as they dive into the vegetable bins looking for what they believe is the last remaining onion on the planet. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, coming from the relative insular environment of the suburbs. But I don’t think it is unreasonable to actually expect people to care about the impact their actions have on other beings. Perhaps that makes me a Humanist rather than an Orthodox Jew? I will leave that for a later discussion.

I’m fairly certain this phenomenon has something to do with the geography of PiRo. A convergence of the student populations from UCLA and USC, overflow from Koreatown, young professionals striving to reach the economic status of the 90210 zip code, and the traditionally Jewish base of the area make for an interesting mix. I have lived in Los Angeles my whole life and I have never experienced anything quite like what follows below. As the cliche goes, “There is no place quite like home.”

1. Crazy as defined by the practice of avoidance.

PiRo residents practice avoidance. If they don’t want to acknowledge your “Good Morning,” they look away. Not too long ago, someone did a poor job parallel parking their minivan behind my car, leaving a deep scratch along my bumper. No, I didn’t see them do it. But the placement of their bent license plate frame against the ending point of the scratch made a pretty convincing argument. I left a note politely asking them to call me so we could arrange for the repair of the damage. They ignored my note. Yes, I know they ignored my note because they began to avoid me. On more than one occasion when the driver of this vehicle saw me getting in or out of my car, he would speed past me (and the available spot behind my car). I finally decided to just take care of the damage and hope for good karma to come in return. I even thought I would tell the owner of the suspected van that I was not seeking reparation. So while my car was being fixed, I parked my rental in front of the van – it was insured anyway. I waited for the owner to come out the next morning as he left for work. The look of mortification on his face when he saw me waiting by his van was priceless. He turned around and went back into his apartment. I waited. But he didn’t come back out. I gave up when the Parking Enforcement started handing out tickets on the street. Somehow he seemed to think that if he could avoid me, he wouldn’t ever have to face his mistake. Ironically, he has only made the situation weird and uncomfortable because he went out of his way to avoid me. I also think he got a parking ticket.

2. Crazy as defined by rental prices.

I live in a older, but well-kept building from the 1940′s. it is small, but is has character. The rent is a little higher than my South Bay friends pay for their beach cottages but I figure I am paying more due to the limited supply and high demand that drove prices skyward a few years ago. With the current state of the real estate market and the sudden proliferation of “For Rent” signs popping up, it seemed probable that I might be able to afford something a little bigger. So, I went for a walk this past weekend and followed some of the “Open House” signs to what I hoped would be a great find. What I found was that I am lucky to have the place I have. Two of the two (2) bedroom apartments I looked at were priced at $2500/month. The first was well-situated in the Beverly Hills zip code so I attributed the high price of the quaint apartment to location. But the second place I looked it was located only a stone’s throw from La Cienega in what most people would describe as the “border town”. The houses here have bars on the windows and at night you must dodge giant fleshing-eating cockroaches as you walk down the sidewalk. I think the landlord of the second apartment thought I was the crazy one because I just stood in the middle of her nicely refurbished 1950′s unit with my mouth open when she told me the price. I don’t know who is crazy when it comes to rental prices in PiRo. The robber baron landlords or the desperate schmucks that pay these prices.

3. Crazy as defined by ideas of relative morality.

I have noticed that a significant number of PiRo residents subscribe to a philosophy of relative morality. What I mean by this is that there doesn’t appear to be any sense of absolute right or wrong. For example, theft is not considered wrong if the person doing the taking has a more serious need for the item taken. This is perhaps an embodiment of the scene in the popular movie, “Ushpazim” in which the protagonist steals a sukkah from a more well-to-do member of the community. For the past two (2) years, my family has erected a sukkah behind our apartment building that we have shared with our friends and neighbors. We take the observance of sukkot seriously and invest a lot of time, effort, and expense in building the sukkah and hosting. After the holiday, we store the frame in our garage. While the gate is often unlocked, the pieces are not visible from the street (one would have to be very close to see them) and upon cursory glance the frame does not appear to be anything more than ordinary steel poles. In fact, the poles have quietly resided in front of our car for 11 months. But, now mysteriously, someone has been taking the poles a few at a time. Sadly, this does not surprise us. The previous year, we had stored the thatch roof in the garage only to have it disappear two weeks before sukkot. The timing of both of these incidents makes it highly unlikely that some random person took the parts. The theft of these parts was deliberate. Someone is preparing to build their sukkah and knew exactly where to get free parts. Perhaps, they mistakenly believed our ownership of a late model luxury car was an indicator of a higher living standard. But they are mistaken. We now find ourselves without a sukkah and eyeing wandering Jews in our alley, resisting the urge to ask them if they know the whereabouts of our sukkah. I posted a sign clearly stating that the poles are for our sukkah and just as mysteriously as the thefts started, they have stopped. My hope now is that the wayward poles fine their way home before the chag.

So, there you have it. My thoughts on why PiRo residents are crazy… and for those of you that don’t fit into one of these categories, you are still crazy. Why? Because you choose to live here with the aforementioned crazy people. Birds of a feather.